I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
