Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we're so committed to being not committed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
