it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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