my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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