Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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