So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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