found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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