Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
