clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
