I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
