apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
