I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
