every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
