there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
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