My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
