dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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