Christians are straight up FREAKS
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
