I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
