Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
