...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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