remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
