I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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