she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
