Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
