It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
