Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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