RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its about making memories worth repressing
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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