? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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