I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
