i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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