I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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