i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
