You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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