two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
