every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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