OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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