I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
