Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
