I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
