Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
