i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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