Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
