Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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