Do vagina's smell?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
