dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
