we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i wish my penis had a tongue
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have already put on my inside pants.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
