alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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