he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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