I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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