Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We named our party play list daddy issues
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
