Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
