My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
