Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
wakey wakey hands off snakey
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
