hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
