dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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