Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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