The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Panties = found
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
