I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
