That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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