and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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