Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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