I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
