If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
