dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
