last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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