You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
