I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
