I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
