i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
