her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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