I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i think i have herpe
just one?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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