She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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