I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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