I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
