guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
