I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
