sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
